Like many men, I’m a huge sports fan. I really enjoy the passion and pageantry of college football. Likewise, I enjoy many other sports like professional football, boxing and mixed material arts – to name a few. Over the past few days, I’ve been thinking about some of the greatest match-ups in sports history – like Ali vs. Frazier.
It’s important to note that great match-ups aren’t limited to the sports world. There are classic match-ups in the business world too. An example like Coke vs. Pepsi comes to mind.
However, one of the greatest match-ups in existence occurs every day in our community. People choose sides as if they were cheering for their favorite sports team and argue about this topic with the emotion of a slap in the face. It’s the age old debate within the hair industry – infamously known as good hair vs. bad hair.
Like many of you, I’ve heard this infamous comment while walking through the grocery store: “Ooh, she is so pretty and she has good hair.”
How does this statement make you feel?
I think this directly speaks to the modern standards of beauty that many women hold themselves to and often fosters the kind of thinking that leads to getting chemical relaxers. These statements make some women feel like something is wrong with their hair and leads to them feeling like it needs to be fixed.
Have you ever felt like you needed to relax your hair to make yourself feel pretty?
So, beyond your personal beliefs, there is also the pressure placed on our women to fit in with the beauty standards of society or the media. This pressure is often applied by immediate family members and friends. With these standards and the influence of the media it’s understandable to see why many women exchange their natural hair for chemically relaxed hair with the ultimate goal of achieving good hair.
But, what’s good hair?
Are our women willing to expose themselves to the danger and potential pain of chemicals burns and scars in order to achieve good hair? Or, are they willing to succumb to the social stigma that is sometimes applied to natural hair?
For many women and obviously men as well, the term “good hair” often refers to hair that is bone straight or naturally curly, while black hair that is natural is often considered bad hair. I know that many women, once they go natural, embrace the term “nappy” and see it as a term of endearment. I can understand why you might feel that way, especially considering the fact that the natural hair movement is very strong and growing stronger each day. However, the media generally uses that term as a pejorative and it often leads to mixed emotions within the natural hair community.
So, again, this good hair vs. bad hair debate is one of the most emotional, energy charged battles within the hair industry. Many of us have gone to great lengths and spent large amounts of money each month in order to get “good hair”, which often times (depending on your definition) involves using a chemical that is so strong that it fundamentally robs your hair of proteins and has the potential to eat through your scalp like a dog chewing through a bone. So, help me understand – what is good hair?
About Kenneth Byrd
This good hair/bad hair debate needs to be put to rest. God made us all different and black hair is just different, not bad. Healthy hair is good hair. Well moisturized, well cared for, lush locks is healthy hair. How can what God gave us be bad? I’ve heard people say “well some people can’t go natural” and that annoys me. I always say “why not?!” We all can have good hair from the loosest of curls to the kinkiest of kinks-if we take care of our hair. That is all.
Great points Barbara. God made us all different and healthy hair is good hair.
I agree with you that healthy hair is good hair. I thoroughly believe that as women continue to learn more about their hair and the options they have, they will better understand that natural hair is limitless and only bound by their personal creativity. As Kenneth stated in the article, the standards that women are faced with are crazy and unattainable and if by chance you do “attain it” you can’t maintain it. I think through education and personal testimonies from other naturals or women who are just darn happy to love the hair they were born, we are changing the face and standard of beauty, bit by bit.
Jael that is so true. It’s going to take time to change things bc we have been so “brainwashed” into thinking our hair is not beautiful and that no one will find it beautiful. That is so sad to me. Reading blogs and websites about natural hair helped me fully commit to my decision. I wrestled with it a long time, but then thought “yanno what black hair is beautiful, so why am I spending so much time trying to “fix” something that’s not broken. I hope in time we do change the standard of beauty. That standard should be that what God gave us is just fine.
Keeping natural hair community and others like it active; will be a major component in creating a footprint for others to follow. I just like you had to face some hard truths about what my was and what it was not. That was a huge pill to swallow. I believe God created me perfect for me…
It’s rather interesting because there are some ethnicities other than black (Jewish) with kinky/tightly coiled hair textures but they’re not pressured to relax their hair. Why shouldn’t we also be proud of our textures.
That is an GREAT question… At first thought, it is probably how they are raised as children. As children, we were taught certain things were good and certain things were bad. Unfortunately, hair and the color of the skin was the first two items on the list. Oddly, the lesson came from other kids, not necessarily from the home. If anyone has children, especially daughters, what are you teaching her about her natural hair? If she is relaxed, how old was she when she received her 1st relaxer? What are we teaching our sons about natural hair and appreciating it?
I myself don’t believe in the whole good hair bad hair hype anymore. I really used to and it made me hate my hair so much because of its thick and unruliness, but now I say forget it and embrace my hair. There is no such thing as good hair and bad hair, just different grades of hair. And people need to get that through their thick skulls, just because it’s easier to comb through doesn’t mean it’s better than the next person’s hair. All hair is beautiful hair, as well as all people with all skin colors. If our hair wasn’t meant to be like this then God wouldn’t have made it like this. In this life, for some reason, there’s always strife, no one wants to be their own person, we all must imitate others. But if everyone is imitating each other, then who’s left to imitate? It’s just really crazy, this world. After 19 years of trying to stick to the status quo, i choose to go against the norm and be my own person. I first took that step in 2008 when I decided to accept Jesus as my personal Lord and Savior, there aren’t alot of people proclaming Jesus, but I am proud to be one of them. And I am now proud to be a natural haired woman.
Keiunna – Outstanding comments! Thank you for opening up and sharing your experience. This is exactly why we built this site. To give you the ability to share your feelings about life, hair and the likes in a community of like-minded individuals. @Jael and I also believe very strongly in Jesus Christ. Thanks again for your comments.
Keiunna, thanks for being so honest. I understand where you are coming from. I wholeheartedly believe that because I believe in Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior and constantly drawing closer to Him, it was easier for my mental transition. I just couldn’t wrap my mind around the fact that my hair was bad, nappy, not good enough, less attractive and pretty or any of that stuff, because I know who made me and He made me this way for a purpose and who am I to challenge, change or tell Him that He made a mistake… So, I said, oh well… this is me, this is who I am, this is what I look like
The whole good hair/bad hair issue is so disturbing. This may sound strange, but I’m one of those whom others label “good hair,” and I’ve always felt guilty about it. It makes me feel like I’ve cheated at something because I am complimented on something that required no effort on my part. I also believe I was told that I was pretty b/c of my hair. Even as a little girl I didn’t understand the attention. I also felt badly for my sister b/c her hair is different from the rest of the women in my family. Also, for a while I was engaged to a man with tightly coiled hair, which I thought was beautiful — incredibly thick and black hair, but folks would actually hint at the possibility of our children’s hair being like his as if that would be negative. Nobody believed me when I said, and continue to say that I truly believe natural hair is beautiful. I find it so much more interesting, and dare I say we appear regal when we’re natural.
Hi Lori,
This is definitely an interesting angle that I am sure you are not alone in your feelings. I will encourage you not to allow this to be a hindrance to your journey or your future husband. Every person is different and more and more evident that every natural hair journey is different. So if your hair is different, you shouldn’t feel like you cheated; I am sure that your journey came with it’s bumps and bruises. An encouraging word for you and your sister is to continue to love each other more than ever in-spite of the differences and because of them- Sisters are specials <3
Thanks for your post!
I too, like Lori, have been “categorized” since childhood and have been embarrassed by it. When I met my husband, he had been brainwashed by the good hair/bad hair crap and when we had kids, I told him he couldn’t pass that ignorant thinking onto them. I vow my kids will love their hair in its natural state and not turn to harsh chemicals that will change their texture.
I grew up completely ignorant of the “good hair” “bad hair” battle (I’m a whitey, but I grew up overseas. No one did anything to their hair over there). When I went to college, I roomed with a friend of mine, and when I saw what she did to her hair, I was aghast. It took so much time, and it looked so painful. One day, she let her hair be natural and showed it to me and our friends. We all loved her fluffy, lively hair. We tried to convince her to let it be, but she wouldn’t. After that, I started paying more attention, trying to figure out why she would spend all that effort relaxing her hair. When I learned about the so called “good hair”, it made me angry. Everyone’s hair is “good”, and no one should have to go through hassle and pain to fit into a role that isn’t natural. I’d just like to say that I really appreciate this site, and I find it inspiring, as a person and as a woman.
Hi Kat – Thanks so much for sharing that story and you’re absolutely right about the “good hair” battle.
Kenneth