When I look into the eyes of my four-year old daughter, sometimes it makes me sad when I think about her future in the cruel world that we live in today. I don’t want her to grow up thinking that she needs to change her hair or anything else about her to look beautiful.

If she ever decides to relax her hair, my hope is that she does it because it was her will and not because of peer pressure or media pressure to conform to the norms of society.

It takes a great deal of courage to have natural hair today. I’m convinced that the mental transition required to go from relaxed hair to natural hair is one of the most difficult mental journeys that many women will ever voluntarily go through.

Why the Mental Transition of Going Natural Can So Difficult

Infamous media personality, Wendy Williams, referred to Viola Davis and her natural hair in a condescending manner at the most recent Oscar’s award show.

Wendy implied that Viola looked like a man with her Teeny Weeny Afro (TWA) and that natural hair wasn’t formal (or elegant).

For any new naturals reading this, a TWA is a relatively short afro that is most commonly worn after someone big chops – which means to cut the relaxer out of your hair.

People openly expressing disapproval of natural hair isn’t necessarily uncommon. We have heard it all before, right?

One of the most common comments that we hear about natural hair is that it is not professional or elegant.

You may have heard these kinds of comments before. The real problem is that it begins to affect the self-esteem of many naturals when they hear these comments and that’s disappointing.

Stop Saying It’s Just Hair

I know that there is someone reading this right now thinking to themselves, “Kenneth, the last few paragraphs were just nuts. It’s just hair.”

To some women – maybe it is just hair, but it’s unfair to make a blanket statement and assume that it should be just hair to everyone.

If it were just hair, you would have no interest in this article or anything else that we write.

The truth is that it is usually about much more than just hair.

Sex Sells (But So Does Controversy)

The media has the responsibility to sell newspapers, magazines, website advertising, television commercials and other things that make them money.

They focus on reporting things that people want to hear.

Which of the following two scenarios do you think will drive the most website traffic and conversation?

Scenario A: Viola Davis decides to go natural and recently big chopped.

Or

Scenario B: Wendy Williams implies that Viola Davis looks like a man after going natural.

I will let you determine the answer, but here is a hint: “controversy sells”.

This is a major problem with society nowadays. If the news only reported positive stories, then they would go out of business. Conceptually, this is the same reason why TMZ is one of the fastest growing “news” sites around. They specialize in gossip and controversy.

Where did your thoughts/ideas about your natural hair come from?

Did you grow up in a nurturing environment where the texture of your hair was embraced, accepted, welcomed, wanted and celebrated?

Or, did you grow up in an environment where you received a relaxer too early in childhood and you have never seen your natural texture?

Did you grow up in an environment where there were multiple textures in your house and one texture was more celebrated than the other? Did you grow up hearing, that your hair was unmanageable and  wished it was a different texture? Or, did you wish it was like someone else’s hair?

What type of language was used when it came to your hair?

Were the terms nappy, silky, ugly, pretty, rough, beady bees, buckshots or brillo pad ever used around you? Were these terms ever directed to you?

Did you presume to be mixed or have Indian in your family?

Did your experiences growing up affect how you view your natural hair today?

I recently asked my Twitter followers if they believe that a healthy hair image start at home. The feedback that I received was, “yes”, from every follower that responded.

I want to dialogue with you about the origin of your ideas, perceptions and feelings concerning your natural hair.

What do you believe? What are some steps to help turn unhealthy thoughts into healthy thoughts about natural hair?

Since you’ve gone natural, are other people questioning your decision or judging you?

Are you wondering why no one seems to understand what you’re going through? Are you wishing that someone would simply take the time to really understand your decision?

Sometimes going natural isn’t easy, especially when your family and friends don’t accept your decision. It can be even worse when they don’t take the time to understand it.

Don’t be discouraged by the words they say or any personal attacks. Be mindful as to why you decided not to relax your hair anymore. This should be a consistent reminder to you and it’s really what’s important. Don’t believe the insults, believe in your reasoning. Personal insults or attacks are not necessary. If the person feels the need to do so, inquire why. Don’t become discouraged. This period in your natural hair journey will not be easy; but remind yourself that your reason for growing out your relaxer was important as well.

Honestly, try not to get too concerned with the negativity that others will send your way. Stay focused, enjoy your journey and be courteous. Giving an ear to the negativity will only be a distraction and will cause you to lose focus and plant the seeds of doubt in your mind.

You have a choice. You previously choose to relax your hair, now you have changed your mind and you are now choosing not to relax. The choice to do either should be your own, assuming that you are of legal age to make your own decisions. Be confident in your decision. Confidence in your decision to go natural is priceless and it is something that each individual person must work on for themselves. Use like-minded communities for support, however, you must dig deep and make sure that you are confident in your decision first. If you are not confident, it will be easy to sway your decision if other people don’t agree; especially if those people are close to you and you value their opinion.

Prayer. Need I say more? Okay. I will say a little more. We are given power, authority and dominion over all things. This includes negative thoughts as well. Keep yourself encouraged. The Lord is always my refuge. Regardless of how big or small, I keep myself encouraged because regardless of the situation, He is in control and He has the last say.

Keep your natural hair journey alive and show endurance by using communities of like-minded people for inspiration and for venting if necessary. Stick it out. You never know – you may be an inspiration to another natural that is going through a similar situation.

Sometimes, it may seem that everyone will be negative all together. Alternatively, they may be lined up to get you one by one. However, don’t fret. Stand strong on your decision. Remember to keep your words kind. A verbal altercation will not solve the matter – only fuel it.

Can we talk a minute? Communication is such an understatement. Being able to sit down and verbally communicate your reason for going natural is a great way to bridge a gap. Effectively communicating your reasoning may take some practice on your part. Don’t be afraid to speak your reason aloud so that you are able to hear it. Build confidence and passion into your words so that you are taken seriously. The other aspect of great communication is active listening to the other person. You will be surprised at the walls that will come down just by simply talking it out with a humble spirit and being attentive.

Become a life learner. Keep in mind that some people are misinformed or uninformed about natural hair. Going natural doesn’t imply any sort of political statement. Just because a woman decides to wear her natural hair texture doesn’t mean that she is rebelling. It can simply mean that she is choosing to no longer relax her hair. Some people don’t understand this so you may be approached with opposition because of their lack of understanding. The great news is that you can take this time to actively listen to them and to empower them with knowledge. Or, they may have questions, want to feel your hair or stare. Take this time to enlighten them. Remember when your natural texture was new to you and you could not stop touching it or looking at it? It will be nice to afford others time to visually dispel myths that they may have about natural hair. Heck, I still have hand in hair syndrome!

Shift your focus to the positives. For every negative comment, you should be able to give twice as many positive comments. Keep your focus on those things that you have learned and discovered about yourself now that you aren’t relaxing your hair.

It will not be wise to fill them in on your setbacks or anything negative if they are already being negative towards your natural hair. You should only discuss these things with your natural hair supporters. However, keeping your doubters involved and updated about highlights of your natural hair journey can make them feel as if they are a part of it.

If everyone is standing firm on their point of view, it is probably the best time to agree to disagree. However, keep the doors of communication open for later discussions if needed.