Natural hair is not for everyone, because everyone will not choose to wear their natural hair.
Recently, a community member shared her experience with an old high school friend. In the mist of the conversation, the friend said two things after she realized the community member was now natural:
1. That’s not sexy!
2. Natural hair isn’t for everyone.
One thing has to be remembered, it’s very difficult to respond to ignorance and stupidity without reducing yourself to the level of the person making negative comments to you.
I call it ignorant and stupid when someone purposefully says mean and hurtful things to another person without regard or forethought to how their words will make the other person feel.
Don’t get me wrong, there are a lot of people that are ignorant to the facts when it comes to natural hair – just as I am no diamond expert.
I wouldn’t go into a jewelry store and insult the sales person, because I have a lack of understanding of a diamond cut and its market value. I would humble myself and ask questions to gain insight and understanding. That way, I leave with a better understanding of the situation and less frustration.
I think the phrase “natural hair is not for everyone” is a valid statement and here is why:
1. Going natural or wearing your natural hair is a personal choice.
Although it is the hair that grows out of our head, with the advances in today’s beauty industry, there are options. Honestly, everyone is not going to personally choose to wear their natural hair. The truth of that matter is that many women didn’t even choose to get their first relaxer, it was a decision someone else made for them. Many women have gotten accustomed to a certain look that fits them and they don’t want to change that.
I was curious about natural hair many years before I decided to go natural, but never really envisioned myself with natural hair until I was at least in my 40’s. However, all of that changed when I saw my oldest daughter struggle through her transition from relaxed hair to natural hair. At that point, it came time for me to make a personal decision – read more about my natural hair story.
2. It really does take confidence and courage to wear your natural hair.
When I mention confidence, I am not saying that every woman who has natural hair has her stuff together. I’m also not implying that women with relaxers don’t have confidence or courage. I am simply saying that it takes confidence and courage to step out into society with all the stereotypes and myths about black hair.
I remember when I first decided to wear my hair in a wash n go to work. I had only been natural for 17 months. I was so worried about what they were going to say. Although, there was another co-worker who was natural, I still thought someone was going to say something to me. But my desire to wear my hair out was bigger than the fear of what someone might say about my hair.
As I went through my day, I tried to keep a smile plastered on my face and not to show that I was petrified. Even when I went out for lunch, I felt like all eyes were on me and my huge hair. I was so relieved when a co-worker said that my hair was cute and she liked it. I was not looking for validation because I was determined to get over the fear I had, but boy it sure was nice to receive a compliment along the way.
Once you go natural you must be confident in your decision, because there are some people who may approach you with mean comments. It’s unfortunate, but somehow your decision to go natural is a personal insult or challenge to some women. It takes courage not to fold under the pressure that some women go through, enduring the hurtful insults that are spewed at them. This is why in our free natural hair eBook; I encourage women to know why they are going natural. Sometimes, that is all you will have to lean on.
3. Being natural is a personal journey and it can be frustrating.
There are some women who seem to have their hair care routine down to a science early in their journey. Their hair always looks nice and they style their hair effortlessly. If you haven’t already, you will realize that your hair may have to come into its own.
Looking at other naturals is good for ideas, but their reality may not be your reality. You will have to develop a regimen and create styles that works best for you. It is beneficial if you take the time to learn and understand how to care for your hair during your natural hair journey.
These 3 things are only a few reasons why natural hair is not for everyone. Everyone needs to remember that it’s a personal choice and everyone should be afforded the ability to make the decision without ridicule or speculation.
I think a more befitting statement is natural hair is for everyone, but not everyone will choose to wear it.
Everyone sees beauty differently. Different views do not mean wrong views.
It simply means different.
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About Jael
Ah I love this article! It helps me to look at the other point of view. My first instinct was to say something negative back to her, but I humbled myself and said virtually nothing. I don’t think she wanted to hear the awesomeness of natural hair, but I didn’t understand why she felt the need to tell me that it “wasn’t sexy” lol. But I see now. Wow. Thanks for this article. Even more insight into the whole “natural hair thing”.
@yellowmarie08 – I am so glad that you were able to find the article helpful. Not saying anything can be hard but generally, it’s the right thing to do- kudos!
She probably didn’t want to hear the awesomeness… but that does not mean that she won’t want to hear it later. So hopefully, when and if she ever becomes curious about natural hair, hopefully, she comes to you and you are able to be a great resource for her.
Yea, telling you want is or is not sexy is something to LOL about… haha
Thank you for this article; Natural hair is not for everyone….but at the end of the day I think people who choose to wear their hair natural , for whatever reason, deserves just as much respect as those who don’t. What so many people either know or don’t know: is that natural hair was not accepted, and is still not accepted, in many venues. And it gets sort of old when a person who chooses to wear their hair natural gets branded a natural nazi or somehow not appropriate. But to be fair: it gets old when someone who chooses not to wear their hair natural gets branded as not being “black enough” (whatever that means) Unfortunately, we are the only race that I know of who’s self esteem and essence of beauty is tied up to our hair(no pun intended). People make lots of money off of us because we can’t seem to see that self esteem has nothing to do with the way you wear your hair. And then there are the sisters and brothers who are trying to provide products and services to us and we have double standards for them(why are their products so high?…when in fact their products were no higher than some of the major players in the beauty industry…Hair doesn’t hurt me. What hurts me is how mean we can, at times, be to each other because we refuse to follow an “edict’ on how hair should be worn. Viola Davis sparked quite a lot of discussion about natural fros. But you know what: Bill Cosby’s wife and so many others has been wearing a fro forever. Fros are not new; what is new is our acceptance of them. I hope that we as a people are not looking at being natural because the status quo is now more accepting of it. We each need to learn to determine our own standard of beauty. Thank you for this blog; and I thank all the blogs in the blogosphere for their unique approaches; Now if only we all learn to respect each other decisions and stop the hate, we will be a better people for it.
Hi Sandra,
Thank you for your input. You have some very valid points and I think as we become more accepting of each other and less opinonated of one another, the sterotypes are more easily to overcome.
People will say what they want but sometimes, I wish when it comes to how it will make someone else feel, I pray we began to give our comments a second thought before we speak them aloud.
Yes, Viola Davis is a movie actor but still off screen, she is a person with feelings. Personally, I think her hair was beautiful.
This story really reaches me! My mom, not knowing any better relaxed my youngest sister’s hair at 3. Of course it completing took out just about all of her hair. When I asked my mom why did she relax her hair so early, she responded it was not maintainable. So being the great big sister I am, i decided to start caring for her hair on my own, For about one year now I’ve been braiding it. So now I have started to care for her natural hair. It’s been going great! Just today we co washed and everything, while talking she tells me the other girls in her class tease her about having nappy hair. We as parents talk so much about others and our children hear this. I really believe those girls at the daycare heard those wrong comments for others and repeted them. Here I am trying to insteal in my sister her natural hair is beautiful and the other children are out there trying to tear her down and at such an early out I’m talking babies only 3-4 years old! What should I tell my sister to make things better on our end??? please help!!
Hi Shemeka,
You story reminds me of my own. I think it will be very helpful to you and your sister. Just to put you at ease, you are already doing the right things by planting positive seeds into her life. Keep up the good work, even when it seems hard and useless. I would love for you to keep us updated on her journey.
http://www.naturalhaircommunity.com/natural-hair-journey
Jael
thanks and I well!!
Also hair natural hair has inspired me so go natural as well!! I did my big chop one month ago today I’m just to ready to go out yet so it’s been braided
But I’m looking at my sister for the courage to wear it out!
Been natural for the past 9 years. started with a very low boy cut………which i have rocked several times over the years………and now have kinda work between what we in Jamaica call “chiney bumps” (don’t know what chiney have to do with my nappy hair) and others call nubian knots, rope twists, small plaits, corn rows, twist out or sometimes braids. there are choices. there are those who are appalled that i wear my natural but since i really dont give a f…. i own it and rock it. oh, i have also chosen to leave my silvers and display them without a hitch (kinda wanna do a burgundy but its just gonna mess with my greys.
Some women just don’t want to do it, and it’s not because they think relaxed hair is the best, it’s just because they want to do it. They may find natural hair beautiful, fascinating, and desirable, but sometimes women just prefer to keep the style they have, and they themselves say natural hair isn’t for them. Maybe they don’t think they have the face for it, or their hair is doing fine. Either way, I completely agree with the IT’S A PERSONAL CHOICE message because it is. Just like your fashion sense is a personal choice, so is how you style your hair. For some reason, people have always decided it was their place and their right to infringe upon personal choice and try to make you conform to societal standards, whether they are not confident in their own appearance, jealous of yours, or they are uncomfortable with your appearance. So hair is just another way people attack those who are different…I’ve been through it enough to know.